After having Wyatt I had to stay in the hospital while Justin was down at Children's with Wyatt. I was aching for my baby and my husband so much as they were for me to. This was not supposed to be this way... we were supposed to be admiring this miracle together and looking forward to the future with him... instead we were apart and fearing what our future might hold. Things were scary and unknown and I was out of touch with things around me. People always say it fells like a dream.. a foggy dream... I now know what they mean and what that feels like. The days that I was in the hospital were so foggy and dream like.. I was so unaware of things from hour to hour I only wanted to get out. This was a place that such happy things were happening all around me... new families being formed and babies crying for the first time and being comforted by their parents... mothers nursing their new babies daddies running back and forth getting ice water and snacks for their wives, grandmas and grandpas bursting with pride for their kids and this was all around me 24 hours a day. It at times felt so unbearable but I had my family with me to get me through my time there and I knew my faith and strength.
I focused on the one thing I knew my baby would need as soon as I could get to him and that was milk... the nourishment I could give him at least I hoped I was still going to be able to. The whole time I was pregnant I looked forward to breastfeeding my Wyatt. I could not wait to have that time and closeness with him. I made sure as soon as the morning came on Saturday I would be able to meet with a breastfeeding coach and get my milk to come in so that once I got down there I would be ready to feed Wyatt when he was ready.. not knowing when or if that was going to happen I focused on it because I felt that I was doing my part to support our baby since I could not be with him. I learned everything I could about breastfeeding pumped every 3 hours and was doing everything the coach told me to do so that I would get that milk going and ready for my sweet Wyatt. Within the couple days I was in the hospital my milk came in and I was so excited to bring it with me when I was released and know that once I got down there it would be on hand for Wyatt when he was ready for it. It might have not been the way I had in mind that this special time between him and I was going to go, but at least I was able to get a little storage going so that he did not miss out on it completely I thought.
Saturday the 7th was a very long day. Nurses coming in and out of my room pressing on my tummy to get my uterus contracting and back down to normal afterbirth. Hurt like you know what.. but it seemed to mask some of the mental pain I was feeling. That morning one nurse came in and told me it was time to get up and walk around so that I could work on getting out of there... I was all for it until I actually had to do. It really was uncomfortable and I was afraid I was pulling my stitches as I got up in the bed and pulled myself over the side of it to get on my feet... I kept my eye on the prize that as soon as I did all they asked I would be released and get down to Children's ( I was probably an ideal patient because I was so careful not to have my time there delayed in any way shape or form). The morning went good until that afternoon when one of my nurses came in and told me that she spoke with the doctor who delivered me and he told here that my blood pressure was high and they were going to keep me through Sunday and would re evaluate for maybe releasing me on Monday. I was so disappointed and cried the rest of the day. The good thing was my dad and my step mom had got in town earlier that day from Oklahoma and were there with me as well as my cousins (who are like my sisters). They all took turns spending the night with me each night so that I would not be alone and they kept things light trying to keep me upbeat. I was grateful to have all my family there and tried to stay positive. I remember eating lots of fruit and grilled cheese sandwiches and kept thinking I am not pregnant anymore why am I eating like I still am... but it was so easy when all you had to do was say you were hungry and wallah my cousins would have someone bring it to me shortly after... sort of miss that!
Night came on Saturday and it was a really long day so I was ready to try and get some sleep before Sunday and hopefully I could still maybe be released so that I could spend Easter with Justin and Wyatt. I called Justin for the 50th time that day and was telling him my plans to go to bed but he sounded different this time. I asked him why he was sounding a bit different and he told me things were looking not so good.... There was a significant problem with Wyatt's kidneys and he was not sure if it could be fixed... he was not 100% sure what was wrong he just knew it was bad... looking back now I think he was shielding me by not telling me everything since there was nothing I could do and I would not be able to get out with my blood pressure remaining high. I told him that I would pray and call him back. Just as I hung up the phone Wyatt's doctor called me on the other line checking in as she had promised to do in case I had any questions of my own for her. I explained to her that I had just got off the phone with Justin and he had told me that there were issues with Wyatt's kidneys... she concurred and told me that Wyatt was in kidney failure at that moment and they were trying everything they could to get them working... I was in complete shock. I asked her what this meant and she told me that it meant that without the kidneys functioning nothing else in Wyatt was going to get better. I could not believe the words she was saying I then asked her would Wyatt's life was in danger and she flat out with no holding back told me yes and that things were very bad and we would need him to make a big turn around and soon to get him to a state of stable. I think I dropped the phone and broke down. I could not hold it together and called Justin back and told him what she said. He knew what she told me and tried to comfort me the best he could through the phone. I was in a state of complete shock and dismay. I knew that things were grim and all I could do was pray. I prayed for a miracle and for god to walk with Wyatt and Justin while I was away from them. That he would hold Wyatt in his hands and bring him comfort and I know that God was the God of all things and can heal all things and I prayed that he would heal my little Wyatt. My cousin suggested I take a warm shower to help calm me and relax me so that my BP would not get worse. I got into the shower and as the nurse was helping me get my dressing off of my c-section incision my family was in my room praying for out little Wyatt and the gift of a miracle. Just then almost 2 hours from when I had talked to Wyatt's doctor I heard a loud scream and lots of crying and yelling from my room... my cousin Brittney ran into the bathroom where I was showering and was crying and yelling... I tried to make out what she was saying and who she was on my phone with.. I was frozen and thought this is it Wyatt is gone... she then slowed down and said "Wyatt peed.. he peed.... he is peeing..." I feel back on the chair they put in the shower and started to sob.... I could not believe it God answered out prayer and my little Wyatt was peeing and as long as he did this then that meant his little kidneys were stating to work and do what they were supposed to... things were going to get better God was answering our prayers. I gave him glory and thanks for this miracle we had witnessed tonight.
Justin was on the phone and I could hear the tears welling up inside of him a weight was lifted and it was the first of many hurdles that we had crossed. We were overjoyed and so optimistic since this was so dire a few hours prior but now with this huge change things would fall into place and get better. We gave thanks to our Father together and said goodnight.. I told him to give lots and lots of kisses to my little monkey Wyatt and tell him that I loved him and was so proud of my little brave strong boy. He said I am kissing him now and will let you know if anything changes. I went to sleep with a lighter heart that night.
|Here is Wyatt with his Easter Lamb|
next day... simply amazing! Within 20 minutes Justin was calling me and said it was indescribable holding his son for the first time... really it was the first time he had held in any baby - no joke. He kept saying over and over it was awesome to hold his little man and he didn't want to let go, but with Wyatt still being so sick, he only was able to hold him for less than 10 minutes... 10 of the sweetest minutes... because Wyatt's blood pressure fell a bit. He said it was the best Easter he had ever had and I agreed -- how amazing and the lord was doing all this on such a special day with so much meaning.
|Justin's first time holding Wyatt|
I was in better spirits all day and later that evening was joined by all my close family and a dear friend for a Easter visit. I remember my Aunt Toni brought me an Easter egg scuba diver that my little cousin Cameron had made for Wyatt. The week before Cameron and I looked up Easter egg decorating ideas and we had found a site that showed you how to make scuba divers out of eggs.. We were going to make them on Friday after my appointment but we all know that did not go as planned, so Cameron made them for all of us at the hospital to make Easter a little bit brighter. They were so cute and made me feel a little more normal since things were so abnormal.
|Scuba Diver Eggs|
That night my doctor, who was leaving for Disneyland with his family the next day, called and told me that he was going to start me on a blood pressure medicine and would be in tomorrow (Monday) morning at around 6-7 am to release me. I was sooo excited and looking forward for the morning to come... My dad and step mom stayed with me that night so as soon as I was released we could leave right away and get on the road to get to my Wyatt. I did not sleep much that night and as morning came I was ready showered, hair done things packed and waiting for the doctor to come and release me. Things were back on track and I would be with my Wyatt and Justin sooner than later.